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I'm really hating this... I mean really. What is to become? I am stuck staring into my own pane of glass. All I see is my own reflection. While next to me, multitudes of people are together in their panes of looking glass.

Where hast thou gone, oh human dignity. ha ha ha ha

I wish to be alone, for I despise the local urchins... yet I rue my loneliness...

It should all end.

If I only I could.

Fantastic. Good.

I have a job, I'm doing rather well in school, and I just cleaned

Things are well.

I just don't understand it. I just found out another one of my friends was diagnosed with cancer..... lymphoma..... they give him a 30% chance.... If i lose him.... I don't know what i'll do.


first patrick, then james, then Liam, and Chris.... jesus who's next.

I don't think I can handle it. This doesn't get easier the more often it gets..... it gets harder..... much harder.

I just... don't know what to do.

Many things run through your mind when you first hear of a death of someone you know. First you don't believe it. Then you wonder how. Then comes the why. Then after your anger passes and you're temporarily relieved of grief, you start to realize things. You realize how you would feel if one of your closer friends died, if your parents died, if you died. How would everyone feel if you died... Would they even care? Would alot of people come to your funeral. Then you want to throw yourself into a fire because this whole time you've been selfisly wondering about your own funeral when a friend of yours has just past. I know this because I've endured it 4 times, now.

Everyone cried when James died because it was the first time most of us had confronted the death of a peer, or even death at all. It was shocking. We walk around with an air of immortality.... and we're stupid. And when it smacks us in the face that even the good die young, we're left punch-drunk. I consoled many people when James died and I did not cry. I already had. (RIP Patrick)

The point of this note is simply words of comfort. Kurt Vonnegut once wrote that no one ever really dies. They're alive at one point in time, and they're alive in your memories. So no one really dies, for they're live at some point in history.

For those of you who were touched by James's passing help the others who were close to Chris. I know I will miss him. I've known him almost 12 years. He was a real talent and a great guy. I don't need a facebook group to honor his memory, I have him memory... here with me all the time.


I needed to write this.